Verified by Psychology Today. Reading Between the Head Lines. NFL football star Peterson, 6'1" and pounds, "whupped" his four year old son until his legs and back were bloody. What did the child do to deserve such a beating? He strongly pushed another one of Peterson's sons away from a video game.
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Spanking is one of the most widely debated parenting topics. For many parents, spanking can feel like the fastest and most effective way to change a child's behavior. And it often works in the short-term. But, studies show corporal punishment has long-term consequences for kids. If you're looking for alternative to spanking, here are eight ways to discipline your child without using physical punishment.
Hitting kids for misbehavior especially aggression sends a mixed message. Your child will wonder why it's OK for you to hit her but not OK for her to hit her sister. But in order for time-out to be effective, kids need to have plenty of positive time-in with their parents. Then, when they're removed from the situation, the lack of attention will be uncomfortable and that discomfort could remind them to behave better in the future.
Although a spanking stings for a minute or two, taking away a privilege hurts longer. Make it clear when the privileges can be earned back. Usually, 24 hours is long enough to teach your child to learn from his mistake.
So you might say, "You've lost TV for the rest of the day but you can earn it back tomorrow by picking up your toys the first time I ask. Selective ignoring can actually be more effective than spanking.
Look the other way, pretend you can't hear him, and don't respond. Then, when he asks nicely or he behaves, return your attention to him. Over time, he'll learn that polite behavior is the best way to get his needs met. Spanking your child because he threw a temper tantrum , won't teach him how to calm himself down the next time he's upset. Kids benefit from learning how to problem-solve , manage their emotions and compromise. When parents teach these skills it can greatly reduce behavior problems.
Use discipline that is aimed at teaching, not punishing. Logical consequences are a great way to help kids who are struggling with specific behavior problems. Logical consequences are specifically tied to the misbehavior. Linking the consequence directly to the behavior problem helps kids see that their choices have direct consequences.
For example, if your child says he's not going to wear a jacket, let him go outside and get cold—as long as it's safe to do so. Use natural consequences when you think your child will learn from his own mistake. Monitor the situation to ensure that your child won't experience any real danger.
Instead of spanking a child for misbehavior, reward him for good behavior. For example, if your child fights with his siblings often, set up a reward system to motivate him to get along better with them. Providing an incentive to behave can turn around misbehavior fast. Rewards help kids to focus on what they need to do to earn privileges, rather than emphasize the bad behavior they're supposed to avoid.
Prevent behavior problems by catching your child being good. When there are several children in the room, give the most attention and praise to the children who are following the rules and behaving well. Then, when the other child begins to behave, give him praise and attention as well.
Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. American Academy of Pediatrics. More in Discipline. Place Your Child in Time-Out. Take Away Privileges Although a spanking stings for a minute or two, taking away a privilege hurts longer. Ignore Mild Misbehavior Selective ignoring can actually be more effective than spanking. Provide Logical Consequences Logical consequences are a great way to help kids who are struggling with specific behavior problems.
Reward Good Behavior Instead of spanking a child for misbehavior, reward him for good behavior. Praise Good Behavior Prevent behavior problems by catching your child being good. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. How to Discipline Kids Without Yelling.
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Spanking Alternatives: Experts' 8 Top Tips For Disciplining Toddlers | HuffPost Life
Spanking is a widely debated topic. Although most experts advise against corporal punishment, many parents still report spanking is an effective discipline strategy. Before you decide if it's OK to spank your child, examine the potential consequences of physical punishments. Sometimes parents spank their children out of desperation. Too often, parents rely on spanking to fix behavior problems without ever trying alternative discipline options. Another common reason parents spank is out of exasperation.
A parent who thinks, "I can't believe you just did that! Instead, they react out of anger or fear. Without a clear plan in place for discipline, spanking may become the first line of defense. Spanking a child can create even more problems than it cures.
Here are a few reasons you may want to rethink spanking your child:. There are many discipline strategies that are more effective than spanking. If your child colors on the walls, a logical consequence would be to have him wash the walls. This teaches him to have more respect for property. Restitution helps restore relationships and helps children learn new skills as well.
It can be very effective for aggressive behavior and works well for children and teens of all ages. The goal of discipline should be to teach your child new skills so your child can grow up with the tools necessary to be a responsible adult. So when determining which discipline strategies to use, think about what you hope your child will gain from your intervention.
Get diet and wellness tips to help your kids stay healthy and happy. Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children. Gershoff ET, Grogan-kaylor A. Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. J Fam Psychol. More in Discipline.
Without a consistent discipline strategy, it may feel like spanking is the best option. A child who gets spanked for arguing with his brother won't learn how to get along better in the future. Spanking models aggression. Children do what parents do, more than what they say. So if you spank your child for hitting his brother, you'll send a confusing message. They may think, "I'm bad," and may struggle with self-esteem issues. Children who experience shame aren't motivated to improve their behavior.
They may spend their time focusing on how they are angry at their parent rather than on what they could do better next time. Spanking isn't an option as children grow older. If you have always used spanking to discipline your child, what will you do when he is 16? Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Article Sources. Continue Reading.
Hitting an Appropriate Form of Discipline? How to Discipline Kids Without Yelling. Solutions for When Parents Disagree on Discipline.