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When a mother is asked this question, you might hear short replies. Like, "It's great! Because there are at least that many scattered emotions going on at any given moment for someone who has just brought a new life into the world.
New motherhood is emotional—full stop. If I had to answer this question in one word, I'd say "amazing. The whole first week of my son's life, I felt like I was living on a cloud of bliss. Everywhere I looked there was something to smile about, whether it was my precious baby, my sweet visitors, a welcome plate of food, or even my image in the mirror.
I know a lot of women struggle with how their bodies look postpartum , but all I could think of when I saw my new figure was how incredible my body was.
My body grew a baby, safely delivered him into the world and now it has adapted to be able to feed him! For the first time in my life, I didn't look in the mirror and wish I were thinner or more toned. Instead, I just saw beautiful endurance. The first week was also full of so many fun firsts. The first time loved ones got to meet my son.
The first time taking him home. The first time getting to use all the outfits and gadgets my husband and I spent months preparing for him. Meanwhile, everyone was so busy doing things for me that I didn't have to worry about anything besides the baby. How great is that? I snapped at my husband around day seven or eight and tears immediately filled my eyes. Little did I know there were a lot of quips and frustrations on the horizon.
Trying to console a baby who is screaming in your ear when you're sleep deprived and have already done everything you know how to do twice! The number of new duties that were occupying my time, the endless questions I had to Google because I just had no clue, and the exhaustion of nursing and segmented sleep were are all extremely challenging. Feeding someone else every couple of hours for a half hour or more at a time really ate up a big chunk of my day!
And then trying to work around that schedule to do things I love often felt like an insurmountable obstacle.
The first months of my baby's life, I felt so frenzied because I was constantly hurrying in order to get everything done that I wanted to do. The first time my baby got sick and got me sick too , I cried. How am I supposed to take care of a baby when I need someone to take care of me? I wondered, feeling panicked and hopeless and so very unfit for the task. I texted my best friend some woeful message and ended up with a gift basket of soup and tea on my front step with the most thoughtful card of encouragement.
And then I cried some more. And yet, with all of its trials and sacrifices— new motherhood manages to be one of the most delightful experiences. My dad had written me a letter before my son was born, telling me and my husband to walk through the house before leaving for the hospital.
He said to take note of how much fuller the house was when we walked back into it with our baby. I can now testify to the reality of that fullness, and even more so for my heart itself. My mentor had told me my heart was about to be "enlarged," and that's truly what it feels like. There is so much love and emotion that my heart must have enlarged in order to fit it all in.
When your baby smiles right at you or cuddles up to you while you sway him in your arms or says "Mama" for the first time, the warmth it stirs within you is overwhelming. Dancing with my son or even just seeing his sleeping face after a brief absence from him is like the most special gift I could have ever asked for.
And so, while any amount of words can never do new motherhood justice, my goal is to try to stop and appreciate the wonder of it all. I have been amazed at my body's life-sustaining abilities, at how perfectly crafted my son is, at how quickly and vibrantly he grows and at how my faith has equipped me to keep up.
It's no secret that baby gear can get expensive so when you're adding a new bundle of joy to the family, you have to consider all of your options. Maybe you'll invest in a separate stroller so you have one for each child, or you'll upgrade to a system that lets you easily stroll around with multiple babes.
But, even with a growing family, you don't have to break the bank for one piece of gear. We're obsessed with this travel system because it grows with your family. With a unique slide and lock system, you can effortlessly switch from a single to double by flipping out the integrated mounts for a second toddler seat, and sliding up the handle to add a bit more room.
Because you never know which way your littles will want to face, Evenflo's Pivot Xpand is designed to have up to 22 configurations. Say goodbye to tantrums, mama, because you can adjust for all of the requests, from reclined forward-facing to upright parent-facing.
For your smallest one, the toddler seat's infant mode cradles baby at a comfortable angle for maximum safety. For mama's convenience, there's an extra-large storage basket that can be accessed from both the front of back. It expands to fit all of the things you inevitably have to carry on your adventures. Plus, its compact fold stands on its own and the large cruiser tires ensure rides are smooth and you don't have to worry about having issues maneuvering around. This article was sponsored by Evenflo.
Thank you for supporting the brands that support Motherly and mamas. My dad took me to see Poltergeist in the movie theater when I was 4 years old um, thanks, Dad? That was a defining moment in my life, as it produced two conversely related effects on me—my unshakable fear of what is lurking in the closet and my undying love of horror films.
I've always been drawn to the scariest of stories. If a movie has a killer in it, I am first in line. If it is loaded with suspense and jump-out-of-your-seat moments, even better. Bring on the psycho madmen, creepy characters, blood, guts and gore. Of course, the classics are the best a la John Carpenter , and the zombie movies in the past decade both campy and not have been stellar.
Big fan, huge. But there is one thing I've noticed about my undying love of scary movies lately—it's dying. And the only things to blame for this decline in slasher flick enthusiasm are the biggest blessings of my life, my two children. I started noticing it when I was pregnant with my first son. Whenever a scary movie would debut, my friends would come a-calling.
Much to their surprise, I shied away from most invitations, saying I didn't want the murderous moments to spook me straight into labor. I kept making excuses, and now here I sit, a few years later, with two little boys and a scary movie addiction I used to have. My horror consumption, both in book and movie form, has dwindled to nil. Here's why: being a parent introduces a whole new level of vulnerability into your life. There's something about holding your tiny child in your arms that rearranges your psyche.
You now hold a level of responsibility that you never did before—you are in charge of keeping another human safe. Most parents don't want to imagine their own children being preyed upon by any threat, fictional or otherwise. I'm sure my waning desire to be voluntarily scared to death has been impacted by societal issues as well. With one horrific mass shooting after another, terrifying situations that used to be just the plots of scary movies are now on the news regularly.
Someone coming after a group of strangers with unexplainable bloodthirst is not so inconceivable anymore. So, it's time to make a change, and "think happy thoughts," as they say.
I will remember fondly the days that I excitedly sat and watched one chilling film after another sometimes even by myself , but you won't find me engaging in that pastime much anymore.
It used to be that being jarred into breathless fear made me feel alive; but now, I'll just take a boring Tuesday, please. As parents, we really like boring days where nothing goes wrong and everyone is happy, don't we? Oh, dearest scary movies, the parents of the world bid you a fond farewell. Our hearts spend enough time in our throats thanks to day-to-day parenting; we don't choose to have them lodged there in our "free" time.
It was nice knowing you. A few months after the birth of my daughter, the nagging guilt of leaving her with a nanny was still a ghost that incessantly whispered in my ear, informing me with glee that I was a terrible mother and an even worse human.
I felt like I was falling apart. Ten weeks postpartum was not my best look. My eye circles were heavy, my hair was beginning to fall out, my belly was soft and languid and my legs seemed almost atrophied.
Even so, I had decided that it would be best for me to return to my job as a Pilates instructor. I tried to avoid looking at what I considered the Cubism version of myself. I kept catching glimpses of my reflection in the fully mirrored Pilates studio, a funhouse version that followed me everywhere with its strange, new, blurred features. I had half-expected my body to be perfectly placed back into its pre-baby arrangement like a real-life version of Operation.
I hadn't anticipated incontinence and hip pain. Adding insult to injury, my teaching rhythm was off and my baby brain made me forget complex anatomical terms, such as "arm" and "hamstring.
It's safe to say I was in a delicate place, mentally and physically. So it shouldn't be a surprise that I almost lost it when a coworker, who found out I was a new mother, innocently asked, "So, who's watching the baby right now? It was a stake in my heart, a verbal reminder that I had left my sweet angel in the cold hands of a stranger in order to go back to work.
I fumbled with my response, articulating that yes, she was with a nanny, but the nanny wasn't a full-time nanny , and I was home by p. I thought about the interaction for the next few days. Why had that question bothered me so much? Why had I responded so oddly, my response rife with defensiveness and self-justification? A few days later, it happened again.
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How to be a (Good-Enough) Working Mom - Guides - The New York Times
As it turns out, tiny humans need to eat daily in the beginning, 10 times daily , and deliverables at work need to be, well, delivered. If you're not, you might do the math and consider joining the nearly one-third of workers with caregiver responsibilities who have quit to stay home. For me, context helps.
This is part of a series of guides for working women brought to you by The New York Times and Bumble Bizz, a professional networking app by Bumble.
See the full series at nytimes. How to Be Mostly O. By Lauren Smith Brody. See the series. Feeling overwhelmed is normal. Motherhood is a strength at work. In my interviews with hundreds of mothers, they reported being more efficient, better at pivoting between tasks and better at saying no once they had children.
I prefer to turn that last idea around: Moms give more committed yeses. Broadcast that. Working makes you a good mom. Research that Kathleen McGinn, a Harvard economist, conducted in found that the daughters of mothers who work outside the home grew up to be higher achieving and that their sons were more likely to share in household chores.
Last year, McGinn built on those results , determining that those children end up just as happy as they would have been had their moms been home with them.
The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting December 25, Research has found that workplace flexibility makes for happier and more satisfied employees — more productive ones, too — and no one needs flexibility more than moms. Come in with a plan for how the flexibility you want will make you better at your job, helping your employer not just you.
Suggest a trial period. Aim to reduce child care costs. Consider a child care share with costs split among families. Such an arrangement could be more affordable for you and create more income for your caregiver, who may be a working mom, too. If you work for a corporation, consider teaming with colleagues to lobby for a flexible spending account so you can pay for child care with pre-tax dollars, or a bulk employee discount with a specific provider — or both.
In Her Words Sign up for the newsletter where women rule the headlines. Your email address Sign up. As for the never-ending daily to-dos, try the following: Use your commute. In a survey I conducted of new mothers, they rated their commutes on a scale from and showed that they were 50 percent more stressful after having kids. The solution? Use those precious minutes for work or for yourself. Schedule a call while driving, or carpool with a friend or colleague so you can take turns working from the passenger seat.
Save non-urgent emails for the subway ride home. Better yet, decompress with an audiobook or a podcast. Or make a phone date with a friend who has a similar commute. This is when I call my mother. Hi, Mom! Build equality at home. If you are fortunate enough to have a co-parent in this whole endeavor, realize: That person is your No. Talk with your partner about this imbalance.
Fill a poster board with both of your to-dos and take turns claiming things and crossing them out. Insist on whatever form of paternity leave your partner can cobble together.
Share the nighttime wakeups. And please! I am hereby granting permission to stop gatekeeping just because you want things done your way; no child has ever died from an inside-out onesie! Try to quantify your potential gains and losses: How much is an hour of my time worth? How will I feel about this choice a year from now? What will I gain from saying yes? Saying no to time-sucks and things that are beneath your paygrade gets easier when your day has a hard stop.
Prioritizing your days is as much about making room for career growth as it is about getting home at night.
Make Cultural Change. Talk about your kids at work. Make the challenges and joys of motherhood visible in your workplace. Take the call from the school nurse. Talk about your work at home.
Or even lazy! Share your struggles and triumphs. Work for policy change. One gay mom I met updated her workplace benefits for all same-sex parents. I Did It for Me. November 30, The Triumph of the Working Mother June 1, Motherhood in the Age of Fear July 27, About the Author.